One of the (unexpectedly) most challenging things about having my littles start school has been navigating how to react when they come home upset about something that happened…
Let me explain. I never realized how complex it would be, especially because it was/is still hard to send them off each day.
Figuring out how to regulate myself when they come home upset so I can get the information I need to best support them—and determine if or when to follow up with their teachers—has been very real for me.
Related: Dad breaks down in tears after hearing what teachers said about his 4-year-old daughter
Why kids’ stories aren’t always the full picture
Kids are kids—they leave things out unintentionally, take things out of context, and are still learning how to navigate so many new social situations themselves!
Last week, one of my little ones came home pretty upset & scared about something other kids had told her at school. And like many of you, my initial instinct is mama bear mode activated.
But I knew I needed to take a breath and get more details first, so we could determine the best next steps and ensure she felt supported and seen.
Balancing protective instincts with productive action
I wanted to ensure that if we DID need to follow up with her teachers, I had as much information as possible from her to share with them so we could handle it as a united front & be consistent in how we worked through it with her both at home AND at school.
After talking more with her, we realized the children had likely picked up a story from a scary movie that was just above their level of understanding/maturity. It’s something we haven’t exposed our kids to yet (or likely ever will—it was genuinely a VERY scary story!).
Related: The Sunday Scaries can plague kids, too
The steps we took to resolve the situation
I drafted an email to her teachers, read it to her, and let her decide if she wanted to talk to her teachers the next day about what happened OR if she wanted me to get involved right away.
She wanted to try talking to them first, so I let her do that (and she did! So dang proud of her). The situation ended up being handled very quickly the next day and all was well.
After learning it had been handled, I let her know I was just going to send a follow-up email—and THIS is where I believe intent and tone matter SO much.
Why tone matters when collaborating with teachers
I know my kids are kids and I likely didn’t have ALL the information. More than anything—I want their teachers to know that I see and appreciate all they do for our children.
I know regardless of how amazing they are (and they are!), they simply cannot hear and see every single thing that goes on throughout the day.
And…there WAS more to the story. In the midst of feeling scared, she ‘warned’ her friends and told them the story—which obviously scared them too!
It ended up being a great opportunity for us to talk with her about the importance of trusted adults, gossip, and how to navigate times when something (like this story) should be brought to your attention FIRST and right away.
The power of shared parenting experiences
Ultimately, I shared this in stories and it seemed to resonate with SO many of you—so I wanted to give it a permanent spot on the feed. Because truly, one of the best things about navigating motherhood and having this community is realizing we are never alone.
Even if it’s our first time walking through something as parents, we aren’t the first to experience it. The support from those who have navigated it before us can and has made a WORLD of difference for me, and I am forever grateful.
Have you navigated similar challenges? Share your experience with us on social media—your insights could make a world of difference to another mom.
[This post was originally published by @milestones.and.motherhood on Instagram and has been republished with permission from the author.]
